| 29 January 2010
Wow, 2009 sure was a shitty year for celebrity deaths. So many of our celebrity heroes kicked the bucket it felt like the Mayan calendar may have been misinterpreted to read all celebs must die by 2012. It seemed like at least 5 of 'em died per day! Surprisingly it wasn't always the most obvious choice. I mean all of us expected Mike Jackson to get caught again givin' Jesus Juice to some unsuspecting pre-teen boy but I think we were all shocked when he took one Percocet too many and seized up his ticker. Since 2010 is upon us, let's have some fun with this gruesome concept and start our own Dead Pool! Kids! Here's a game that can be enjoyed by both alienated Goth Kids and Gangsta Muthafuckas in its universal appeal. We here at the AC and McTrees site think it would be fun to start a rock star death pool. Yeah, we don't get any points for originality, but we certainly have chutzpah. Choose your order from the choices below, and leave them in the comments section. And because we at Armchair Culture and Smokey McTrees ain't as cheap as our friends think we are we will award the top five such awesome prizes as free copies of Smokey's new CD "Dirtbag Vampire" and Armchair Culture/ Love WIthout Nagel T-Shirts!!!! Awarded upon death, natch! So get on your sick, twisted thinking caps and get to it! You have until April Fool's Day to submit entries and then we'll move on to movie/tv star edition.
Gregg Allman
Wow this fuckers done a lot of drugs...he's truly the barely living embodiment to that Southern-Rocker, hard-livin' mentality! Plus he put his penis in Cher enough times that he sired a weird, shitty drummer-singer son. He's been at Death's door a couple of times, and Lord knows his fucking band's cursed...unfortunately it seems like motorcycles kill off these fuckers more then heroin addiction, so Gregg might still be a long-shot...
"Dude! That's the guy who sells fake Rolexes in the Applebee's parking lot!"
Santana
This is a tricky choice, as Santana was near the top of this list twenty years ago because he had Hogdkin's disease and has also admittedly done a lot of drugs. Thing is, he saw visions of the Virgin Mary and has been OK ever since.. And I don't think his Madonna-visions were just some random acid flashback because we all know Hispanics see Ave Maria all the time. Hey, they tell you you're not supposed to drink the water in Mexico...
Pete Doherty
""A bit of a racket foisting me twee ass in your gobs, ennit?"
This loser is unbelievable. He's like Syd Barrett without the cool or talent. How people wo see Pete on the street just don't randomly come up to this guy and punch him in the face is a true testament of the British "Stiff Upper-Lip" mentality. HAve you ever listened to the Libertines? Ugh, it's like art-punk or something.
Amy Winehouse
Wow. Pete's former scumbag partner-in-crime strikes folks as a bit more tragic. As she slowly ruins herself at levels Britney would be remiss to ignore, I cannot help but feel bad for her. I mean, she's hideous. Even crazy Britney had fuckable potential. But since Wino has lost 100+ pounds she is more unattractive then ever. So you gotta feel a little bit for this wacko.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IN7yJWi21E]
Scott Weiland
Yeah, Scott, when Slash and Duff McKagan kick you out of a band for getting wasted too much, you might just have a wee bit of a problem.
Courtney Love
Unlikeable, crazy, and pretty much ungrateful. These are descriptions for the many folks who disparage the talented Ms. Love's career and personal life. Courtney is such a fine role-model for women everywhere that it would be a shame if she were to pass this year. Hang in there, kitty.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oh7hO2xJq8]
Bobby Brown
At least this guy admits he pretty much sucks. I mean he was the ugliest dude in New Edition and made "prerogative" a household word for a while.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2RGeShhKcs]
Whitney Houston
Yeah, about that comeback...her voice, sinuses, and uterus are all shot to shit. She can't sing anymore, and she still acts mad erratic if reports from backstage promoters arer to be believed. And if you can't trust promoters, who can you trust?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3F5SU929vI]
DMX
Wow, DMX is kind of scary. Crackheads are usually more funny then scary, but this guy smokes crack then tortures his dogs, speeds around in parking garages and carjacks folks by telling them he's FBI. Yeah, DMX is the kind of fun crazy folks like to read about but don't necessarily want to invite over for chicken and waffles.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4KLb-OHlsg]
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