Elite 8

(2) Fruit Loops

Thrillho told me to give this one a speical review becuase it is "close to his heart" whatever that means. How can anyone hate Furit Loops? I mean, unless you are deathly afraid of Toucans or ring-shaped cereal, this old stalwart has survived many flavor alerations to stand tall over mediocrity everywhere.

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(12) Fruity Pebbles

The holy grail of cereal for everybody under 25, and everyone over who smokes lots of weed, FPs have spun-off from The Flintstones into one of the tastiest fucking cereals ever invented. This, my friends, is the closest you can come to cereal tasting like candy without actually being candy. How can this shit even CLAIM to be good for you? As with it's African-American sibling, FPs are best when eaten box by whole box.

(1) Honey Bunches of Oats

Hey kids? Do you like honey? Of course you do! Do you like to take a shit? Why, I should hope so! How about a giant rocket-ship flying through your asshole lined with pieces of nutty oats stuck to the turd as it flails into the potty? MMM-mmm Honey Bunches of Oats satisfies the need for sweet-tooths with less guilt the say, Fruity Pebbles due to it's high-fiber content. Oats! WARNING: Not for old folks with sensitive or poorly-fitted falsies!

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(7) Trix

"Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks!" Oh, sorry, I was just scolding LWN about his recent adventures with homeless guys in the park. Back to our pertinent topic at hand we have another cereal that has mutated over the years. But whereas Cocoa Puffs and Cookie Crisp got worse, this shit got BETTER. Some may disagree, but I personally feel the this cereal's evolution from bland rabbit-shit shaped fruit balls to full-blown super-sugary fruit shapes that color your milk pink was a wise move on General MIlls' part. That rabbit should fucking kill those asshole kids, though, and that's why we seeded this shit so low.

(2) Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Another sleeper pick from the General Mills conference, Cinnamon Toast Crunch has potential. The cereal is popular enough to warrant a spin-off cereal (also found in this group). Theie mascot isnt the most recognizeable, but its passeable. Look for Cinnamon Toast Crunch to come out playing and dont be surprised if they go deep in the field.

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(5) Honey Nut Cheerios

It's unbelievable and yet fitting that Honey Nut Cheerios found its way into the same region as their parent and arch nemesis Cheerios. This sweet and vibrant counterpart has grown up to become a man, with the uncanny ability to stay young. That jolly bee can make even Ebenezer Scrooge smile; there's something to be said for that. Not all that healthy, but being affiliated with Cheerios gives them the ability to make others think differently. Certainly, they are unquestionably delicious.

(2) Frosted Mini Wheats

While I cannot say I enjoy the taste of regular shredded mini-whates, I can confess to enjoying the frosted variety. the frosting is just right, and hits the spot. This cereal doe sfall under the "kilky kelt" syndrome, which means you have to hurry up and eat the shit before the milk melts all of the icing off.

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(1) Frosted Flakes

Taking the tired old "flake" concept and adding butt-loads of sugar, Tony the Tiger and Co. serve up one of the few sugary cereals that doesn't float in milk. You have to scramble to eat that shit, though, before the milk melts the frosting off and all you are left with is semi-sweet milk.