Written by Denny | 01 June 2010

Who is worse? Lebron James vs. Brett Favre

What?

Worse? Lebron? Favre?

They are gods amongst men. I can't wake up and get through a half a cup of coffee before the thought pops in my head. Will Favre retire? Is Lebron going to stay in Cleveland? Does Lebron wake up in the morning and shower his waffles with powdered sugar like he does the powder trick before the games? What does Brett Favre have playing on his Walkman before games?

Wrong! The saddest moment of every year for me is 10 minutes after the Super Bowl. It's not because I just lost 500 Dollars. It's not because there won't be football for 7 months, as a Bills fan that's refreshing thought. It's because I know it's the beginning of the Brett Favre Saga.

This off-season I was excited because I looked into the future and I saw the Lebron Saga on the horizon. I thought, "This is new." I know it might be slightly annoying but anything has to be better than the hell Brett Favre puts me through every year. I was wrong. I was ignorant, I was silly, but I found it intriguing.

Then the Cavs lost. And everything changed. Lebron stormed to the locker room after a tremendous performance. He ripped off the jersey, ala Patrick Roy after his last game a Montreal Canadian. And the floodgates opened. It was like dynamite went off at Hoover Dam.

What's going to happen? The scenarios people are coming up with, as a sign of what will come is insane.

But he wants to win now.

But he wants to be "The King" in NY.

But the Wizards got the first overall draft pick.

But he wants to trump Kobe in LA.

But Coach K is going to the Nets.

But Obama wants him to go to Chicago

Be careful about what you wish for because I got it, It is unbearable.

Then it happened, it got worse. Brett Favre had his ankle surgery, and I found myself in the 7th circle of hell. The Favre Saga melded with the Lebron Saga and it was like feeding a Mogwai after midnight.

Apparently, nothing else going on in any other sport so they have to cover these two topics. There are no Finals are going on for both hockey and basketball. Baseball is not in mid-season swing, and even Ozzie Guillen is not blowing up in typical Guillen fashion.

That lead me to where we are today.

Who is worse? Lebron or Brett Favre.

They are very similar in a lot of ways. They love the media frenzy, but they don't often speak. They like to keep the media guessing instead of telling them what's going on. When Brett had ankle surgery the media came out and said, "That's a sign he's coming back." You know what would've been a better sign? If he sent one of his infamous texts saying "I'm coming back."

Same with Lebron, why won't he tell us what his intentions are? Even Chris Bosh gave his agent 5 teams he wanted to go to. He's being interviewed by Larry King tonight. I'm willing to wager the questions are going to be pre-written by the Lebron Camp and no questionswill be answered.

Because in their minds if we are not talking about them, good, bad or indifferent they don't exist they are just going to fade away like Michael J. Fox in "Back to the Future" if he doesn't help McFly bone his mom.

So "scientifically" let's go through these Attention Nymphos lives and see who the ultimate Narcissist truly is.

Birthplace

Brett Favre : Gulfport, Mississippi

On the ocean, the ocean makes you feel small. Water for as far as the eye can see. Possible shrinkage after going in on a cold day. I see how that could give you self-esteem issues. Also only 40,000 people there when he was born, now over 70,000 in his lifetime it has almost doubled and he believes it's all because of him.

Lebron James : Akron, Ohio

Akron is Rubber City. He's rubber your glue whatever you say bounces off of him and sticks to you. That alone gave him confidence at a young age. The population of the city has fallen since he's been born, and he thinks that's because they all moved to Cleveland.
Who's the bigger douche? It was going to be a push but then I remembered four letters O-H-I-O.

Ancestry and Early years

Brett Favre

Born in Kiln Mississippi. a town of 2,000. His father was his High School Coach and only let him throw 5 balls a game. Even he thought he was garbage. Born of French and Native American Ancestry. Thus he has a natural taste for firewater and distaste for personal hygiene.

Lebron James

Not much available. Born of humble beginnings, single mom, which means he was a spoiled brat. His father was an ex-con, thus where he got his ability to rack up the steals. Moved around a lot which means he's very occupancy agile.

Who's the bigger douche? He's FRENCH!

Professional Career

Brett Favre

Drafted in the 2nd round by the Falcons, same team that drafted Michael Vick. He has played 18 Seasons, 1 Super Bowl Win, hence he wins the big one 5% of the time. Two Super Bowl Appearances, he has retired as many times. He has thrown more interceptions than any other quarterback. Luckily, he has thrown more touchdowns as well. 3 time MVP, 11 Pro Bowl appearances.

Lebron James

Professional career? He's younger than me and I still don't have a professional career. 1st overall draft pick. He had more hype than any player has ever had in any sport at any time, and lived up to the hype. He won Rookie of the Year, is a 2 time MVP, Scoring Champion. Gold Medal winner. Downside is his post season play. He has only made the Conference finals once. He has never made it to the NBA Finals. Good news, he is only 25.

Who's the puss from the pimple? It would take me a week to drink as many beers as interceptions he's thrown!

Endorsements

Brett Favre

Wrangler Jeans. I remember people in KMART would feel bad for you if you wearing those Stonewashed from the stone-age garments. Snapper, Inc. I honestly don't know what that is, but with those endorsements combined, I could Wrangle some Snapper, and that's always a good time.

Lebron James

Who doesn't he endorse? Insert Door Knob / everyone gets a turn joke here. Nike, Vitamin Water, Bubblicious, McDonald's, and State Farm. When I get the drunken munchies, I love Mcdonalds. When I'm driving drunk, I'm covered by State Farm. When I'm running from the Cops, I wear my Nikes. When I wake up sleeping in a ditch, I rejuvenate myself with Vitamin Water. When I show up to work, I hide the smell of booze with Bubbilicous.

Who's the Communist? I left out Sensodyne, for the people over 80 that still have teeth.

Nickname

Brett Favre

"Iron Man"

He's not even the Number 1 Iron Man. That title now belongs to Robert Downey Jr. I'm willing to wager had Favre retired the first time, he would've gotten the role of Iron Man, they had to pull Robert Downey out of the gutter for that role anyways.

Lebron James

"The King"

With the ability to endorse North Korea if he so chooses, he endorses McDonalds over Burger King, and Burger King's King is the coolest creepiest Mascot around.

Who's the Swamp Ass? Favre's nickname was given to him during the Iron Age. Lebron chose to endorse a company that was the nemesis of his given nickname.

And the winner of the best media whore to ever exist in sports, by a narrow 3-2 Margin is...

Was there really any question? Lebron is one of the top 5 best athletes on the planet regardless of what happens to him there's going to be a media frenzy around him. Brett Favre has an elaborate plan to keep the media talking about him. He uses his ammunition very carefully. Once the media has forgotten about him, he draws them back with a nice little pearl. Then when runs out of ammo, he goes suicide bomber on the media and retires and that should be the end of it. But then he rises ashes like the Phoenix, unretires and starts the cycle all over again! I've never understood people's obsession with him. He's not really that good. He's just played forever. He looks like a homeless hillbilly and has more drama than a virgin on prom night. But America loves him and that's why we have to pay attention to him.

Congratulations Brett Favre, you make Snooki look well-adjusted!

Written by Denny | 17 May 2010

Fantasy is so much better than reality. In reality, if you are reading this, you are at your 9-5, with one eye on the screen and one eye on the rear-view mirror attached to your monitor. Hoping some over-paid, paper pusher, hall monitor doesn't walk up behind you and bust you for violating your company's web surfing policy.

Or it's after 5; you just gotdone rubbing one out at your favorite pornsite, cleared your history (so your wife doesn't accidentally stumble upon the mating rituals of college coeds) and you now need to know what pitcher to pick up this week so that your friends stop making fun of you for drafting Carlos "Big RP" Zambrano in the second round.

Either way, I'm here to help and to put a different spin on Fantasy Sports all together. Winning is most important. But the knowledge and ammunition to mock your buddies mercilessly for their screw-ups is equally important. You will get both here.

Today it's baseball. In a couple months, it'll be football. In a couple months after that, it's hockey. There are other Fantasy Sports to touch on like the NBA, Golf, and NASCAR. But who really wants to talk about them. I'd be more likely to attend a Christian Scientology rally than partake in one of those leagues.

You know what my biggest beef is with Fantasy Sports?

Trading!

There is this unofficial peer pressure, a stigma, in fantasy sports about trading. It's my favorite part of the experience.

For me, the draft is just the beginning. It's a rough copy of what my championship team will look like. By the end of the season, it'll look like a completely different team.

I admit it could be the untreated A.D.D. But wheeling and dealing is fun. The problem is finding people to deal with. If you propose a deal, you take the time to look at someone's team, pick out a couple players that will help your team and find a position of need for them and help to fill it. Not an instantaneous process.

What happens next? Obviously the person accepts. WRONG!

3 things happen.

• Person declines the trade, no rebuttal.

• 24 hours go by and the offer is still there, 48 hours go by and the offer starts to smell like a plate of unrefrigerated fish. 72 hours go by and you can see the flies circling the offer. The deal is dead, before it even started.

• Or they look at your offer and rebut with offering you Homer Bailey for Albert Pujols.

Have some respect people. I'm going to coin a term here called "Proper Fantasy Sports Etiquette" and I will be hitting on etiquette in the future. Today I'll be touching on the Etiquette of Trading. Here are a few guidelines to follow, so that you don't become the leaper of your league. The guy no one wants to deal with.

If you don't like a deal, decline it.

Nothing drives people crazier than not even acknowledging that you've been offered a trade. The one thing I hate to do the most is withdrawing a trade after I proposed it. People remember that, and when they have the itch to trade in the future they will not be looking at you.

Also, if someone takes the time to offer you a trade, they've extended an olive branch. Do your team a favor and send a rebuttal trade. You might get something done that will help both teams.

Lastly, don't send the Homer Bailey for Pujols trade. I've never understood it. The only rational that I could figure here is that the person proposing the trade hopes that the person on the other line is having a Bret Michaels moment and accepts.

How to Help a Deal go through.

Now even though your leagues is composed of a whole bunch of loser's, whose self-esteem is so low that they couldn't handle other fantasy manginas in the league thinking they've made the wrong decision. There are a couple of thing you can do to help a deal go through.

Sell the deal.

As you send the deal, there's that little box that says comments, that's what it's for. Explain to them why it is in their best interest to accept the deal.

Email the owner about the trade.

Some people might not get automatic updates from the site when a deal is proposed, and by the time they log back into the site, one of the players in the deal is retired or dead.

Make a phone call.

If you call to make a deal, a deal will get done. This is my least used method, since on the geek-o-meter, it is off the charts. Nothing makes you feel like you've made a wrong turn in life than when you call someone with the sole purpose pulling off a Fantasy Trade.

Text them.

It's quick, efficient and the best way to deal. When you text instead of calling, your feeling of self-worth is left intact.

Now to what's actually going in Fantasy Sports. Right now it's Baseball. 6 weeks into the season, some Studs are still sleeping and some sleepers are studs. Below are a few players I've been impressed with.

Kelly Johnson The up and downs of Kelly Johnson's Career continues. At one point a nobody that quickly solidified himself as ATL's future second baseman, but struggled and Martin Prado showed up and ATL sent him packing. ARI took a chance on him and they are happy they did. Came into the season owned under half of the leagues. 11 HR's and 23 RBI's, he has been falling off the last couple of weeks. His batting average has dropped considerably, so look to trade him.

Paul Konerko The old man still has something left in the tank. Currently leading the league in HR's with 13. The guy hasn't hit over 30 HR's or 100 RBI's since 2006. Mighty impressive. I would sell him if I had the chance, this is probably his last burst of energy before he dies.

Tim Lincecum It's like last season never ended. 8 QS in 8 Starts, 5 Wins and 69K's. That's almost 9 K's a start. How does he do it. At 5-10, 172 pound, there's a reason he's called "The Freak." He's heads above every other pitcher in the majors.

Casey McGehee A year ago today this guy was in the minors, as of today he has better numbers than Albert Pujols. Last year, he took over at second when Richie Weeks went down and hit 16 HR's and 66 RBI's in a half a season. Currently he is hitting .311, 8 HR's and 33 RBI's. Only starting in 30% of the leagues when the season started he's a must-start. Especially since  he qualifies at 2B and 3B.

Ty Wigginton The Ultimate Utility Guy. The Ulitimate Journeyman. He's been on 6 teams since 20024, and you could basically start him at 6 positions. He's always been a decent Stop-Gap player for that reason, but has never been a must-start until today. He's got Brian Roberts to thank for that. Ty was on the bench when the season started, but 2 weeks into the season Roberts goes down and Ty shines. (Anyone remember Seton Hall PG Ty Shine? Probably not.) 12 HR's and 24 RBI's, on pace for a mere 52 Homeruns, I'm shocked.

Next week, we will talk a whole lot of actual fantasy baseball. A lot more sleepers, who to start ,who to sit. It'll be good fun. No worries, I'll also mock the manginas in your league mercilessly.

Time for a tagline. Nope. See you soon.

Written by Kaplan572 | 17 February 2010

Written By:  Mike Miller

For those who follow recruiting National Letter of Intent Day is a high holiday.  All year long we closely follow the lives of elite high school athletes anticipating and hoping that they sign with our school and shape a successful winning program.  The 2010 recruiting season was a very successful one for Penn State. Not only did we fill a lot of needs, our staff seemed to go beyond expectations in filling this class with an extremely talented group of athletes.  Rivlas.com, Scout.com and ESPN.com all selected our class as the best in the Big Ten.  Rivals ranked our class #12 nationally; Scout gave us a final ranking of 9 and ESPN ranked our class #11 in the nation.

Written by Harnisch | 24 November 2009

After a week of sick leave - probably due to the Broncos' downward spiral - i'm back on my feet. Denver cost me nearly half my season winnings in their loss to the redskins - the Washington fucking redskins - without Portis. WTF. Oh well, at least I was burned enough to stay as far away from the Chargers/Broncos line as humanly possible. Things are looking good with some exciting games this week, but before we get into that lets cover some interesting shit that happened.

Double Barrell

Titans 86 year old owner Bud Adams saluted Bills fans in style after the Titans 47-17 win last week on MNF. I can't figure out whats most awesome about this - the fact he is 86 and clearly doesnt give a fuck, the fact that the NFL fined him 250k for it, or the fact that this isn't his first obscene gesture. When Adams and the Titans won the AFC championship in 2000 he was asked what he would do if he won a superbowl with the team he moved from Texas to Tenn. According to NBCSports.com, Adams held up a single digit on his right hand and said, "I'll put it on the middle finger and say to the mayor of Houston to take a look at it." After the awesome game this Monday vs Texas, Tenn is my new team to root for.

Theismann, McCallum, and now Wood

The injury so gruesome CBS refused to replay it. Bills rookie guard Eric Wood took a hit to the side of his shin and, well, the rest is history. Compound tibia and fibula. Makes me squirm. Check it out.

Hester Gets Pants'd

As if the current level of Bears play isnt embarrassing enough, Hester (understandably) dropped a Cutler pass and was tackled - by his jock strap. Not to be one-upped, Cutler threw an interception on the potential game winning drive and got an awkward post-game advice session from D-Nabb. Which is more embarrassing? You can decide.

NFL Week 12 - Thanksgiving-a-palooza

While most of us are in a self-induced food coma, football will be happening. While I'm still a little sore - literally and figuratively - from the broncos recent performances, I think they have a good line this week.  Currently, they are +7 at home against the Giants.  Yes, the Broncos are all over the board, and I don't necessarily think they will win, but the second the line moved from 6.5 to 7, I was all over it.  I'll go out on a limb here and say 75% of the time the broncos lose by a TD or less this week. It's not going to be half my bankroll, but its a bet.  Now I just have to find somewhere to watch the game, fucking NFL network.

Obviously, the game of the week is Patriots @ Saints.  I've got news for the patriot nation, the Pats are the 4th best team in the country.  Saint #1, Colts #2, Vikings #3.  Deal with it.  Because of this, I think the line is a little inflated for the Pats - they are a 3pt underdog.  The Patriots D will not be able to handle the multi-threat offense, and although it will be a slugfest the Saints will win by at least 7. Brees will out throw Brady by 15 yds. Final score - New England 21, Saints 31.

PICKS

*Patriots @ Saints (-3) $10
Seahawks @ Rams (+3) $5
Seahawks @ Rams (under42.5) $5
Colts (-3.5) @ Texans $10
Giants @ Broncos (+7) $10

*Georgia @ Georgia Tech (-7) $10
Wyoming (+3.5) @ Colorado St $10
Oklahoma St (+300) @ Oklahoma $5
Oklahoma St (+9.5) @ Oklahoma $10
Sickest 2 team parlay ever - Wyoming (+135), Oklahoma St (+300) - Risk $9.53 to win $80.05
*Parlay ($10 for $28)

No Steelers/Ravens line yet, but plan on taking the Ravens.

Written by Love Without Nagel | 21 November 2009

This is a new segment where we detail my roommate's exploits as a 30 year old married man who live with me and not his wife and child.  To be fair I typically wake up to dumb shit I have done, but it's less depressing if I focus on him. These are full beers for some