Bleachers College Sports College Football Week 6
| 08 October 2009
Apparently my brother's Godmother says I say "fuck" too much. As she has admitted, she probably taught me the word "fuck" when I spent my formative years in a bar, I will attempt to say "fuck" less and less since she is an avid reader.
Yes, you may think "why does LWN's brother's Godmother play a role in his speech?" The simple answer is because she is not a mongoloid.
With that in mind:
1. Urban Meyer is Lord Frankenstein
Shit, everything starts with Tebow doesn't it? Honestly, if Tebow plays this weekend it shows a vast discrepancy between "student" and "athlete" does it not? While I do not question the ability of the team doctors of the University of Florida and their ability to clear Superman for this weekend's game, it really benefits no one except Urban Meyer. The FCA, or Fellowship of Christian Athletes should go ape-shit, excuse me they should go all creationism-shit if Lord Tebow plays this weekend. In my opinion, the Gators, IF Meyer is as great as he thinks should be able to beat LSU regardless of his quarterback. Additionally, I ate a tuna salad on a croissant with the FCA this summer, and they are a bunch of insane, right-wings who claim that anyone who is a liberal or a northern football coach cannot understand the science they have concocted to promote their mission. I promise you this with be my lead next week because it's shitted up (not fucked up).
2. Speaking of dumb coaches
If you think Urban Meyer is questionable, Bob Stoops is borderline retarded. Sam Bradford, as reported yesterday has not ruled out surgery on the AC joint of his shoulder that was injured against BYU. According to reports today, Bradford might start this week against Baylor. Look, I don't want to be a dick here, and understand that coaching is a fickle business, but then again as a coach who sits in the home of potential recruits pumping up the pro-potential of their programs, what parent in their right, shitty mind would send them to a program where the coach and training staff make decisions based on the COACH and not the player. Sure NFL players will play with pain, but college players should only play when 100% healthy. Especially against BAYLOR, especially without Robert Griffin III, he's Baylor's only weapon, and he's out for the year with an ACL injury. Shit you, Bob Stoops.
3. Alabama loves black linebackers
A parent of a seemingly nice white co-ed, has gone out of his way to chastise his daughter, who is white for shitting with one of Tuscaloosa's finest. Read here. I can't make this shit up. In unrelated news, watch below.......Totally shitted up and definitely not work safe. Then again, the accused UA linebacker, Upshaw will have to complete an anger management class.
4. I still believe Warde Manuel is not a black panther
Oh boy. I can't even say this was taken out of context, but ESPN Outside The Lines loves them some controversy. Why not focus on UB being a progressive school instead of making them look like some insane-o outcast who hires wacky's to get them on television? Is ESPN Buffalo that far away? For shit-sake they made a smart man look like someone who was begging for someone to take his coach due to the fact that his coach was good at his job. Shit YOU ESPN.
REVIEW
If I added more, I would have gone 6-7 due to my abilities to winners without having anything to do with the actual outcomes of the games. In fact, I'd be 7-7, except for the fact that Central Michigan should have produced more than a one point win over my Alma mater. I was a single point short of a 7-7 weekend. For those of you who call me a turncoat for betting against my colors, I simply channel the powers of Benedict Arnold, his shit worked for a while, and he had an egg dish named after him. For your reference, I loved me some USC and some Auburn.
Toledo should have won by more; then again the MAC is a shit-shoot all the time. Be glad you know a degenerate such as me who understands the intricacies better than you. I know it was a last second cover, and if you didn't know, the MAC is exciting....Go to a bar, watch more MAC you assholes. Its an exciting conference.
I was called an asshole numerous times for my "brave" bet of betting with the Bayou Bengals. Then again, if we look too much at stats, we become retarded with stupidity. If you ever give me the number four team in the nation in a conference game on the road against an inferior road opponent I will take it every time, regardless of their inexperienced, but athletic quarterback. I am still waiting for Charles Scott to show up though.
Really, Penn State won against Arrelious Benn and Juice Williams? Really, they did cover? Are you an idiot? Penn State off a loss against a team they were supposed to beat? Is your nose clogged? Do you breathe from your mouth? Are you an Illini alumnus? Come on!
BETS
1. Georgia +1 @ Tennessee
I'm sad that there have been limited features in "Kiffin Watch" this season, but for shit-sake Lane is insane. I also love the fact that Tennessee blows and Mark Richt is the best coach in the nation after a loss.
Georgia 34- Tennessee 17
$50
2. Houston +2 @ Mississippi State
Houston continues their insane out of conference schedule against a not-so-woeful Bulldog squad that has some bite. Sure, they lost to UTEP (who UB beat), but Dan Mullen, MSU's new head man runs an offense that is not much different from Houston's. Regardless of the fact that the Cougar's defense is shit without Matt Nicholson, Houston is familiar with this offense and can defend it well. Can Mississippi State put up 48 points? I'm saying it is doubtful considering they average 28.2 a game.
Houston 35- MSU 28
$80
3. AND NOW FOR MY
Alabama -5 @ Ole Miss
If you love stupid, smart bets then you love me right shitting now. This game makes my dick move the same way when I was thirteen and someone said, "Independence Day will be amazing." I can't walk away from this game because Ole Miss is not awesome, they will not show up, and Alabama will beat them the way the North beat the Rebs in the Civil War. I'm not even talking about some Appomattox Court House shit; I'm talking about some next-level General Sherman burning things down anger. Nick Saban is a ball of inverted herpes that is taking out his lack of sexual gratification against the rest of the SEC ever since the consecutive losses to Florida and Utah last season. Of course I'm not saying that Saban HAS herpes, but if you read The Blindside, you'd know he has an odd appreciation for drapes while being impeccably dressed in the homes of recruits. Additionally, I'm not saying Saban needs sexual gratification, but he has been coaching like a man who has no other interests.
Alabama 88- Ole Miss 24
$274
4. Stanford @ Oregon State
UB is playing a DIAA team so they are not in the queue this week. Take Stanford as a "pick 'em" against Oregon State, because Jim Harbaugh has a 100k toilet.
$20
RESULTS
3-1
Overall: 12-11
$$$: +90
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Comments (2)
Subscribe to this comment's feedTebow
Anyways, I read about the absurd amount of doctors that have to clear him to play. If he does play, its not just because of Urban's obsession with winning. He will legitimately be cleared if he does. It's an odd situation. Tebow has sold out his body for the team for over 3 years. Like him or not, he has played as hard as anyone you can name in history. How would you like to be the one to tell him not to play. Tebow has never won at LSU. I think the Gators will win regardless. Brantley is a good QB. When the coaches say they will not alter the playbook at all with Brantley, thats bullshit though. half their plays are 'QB run through LB'.
It will be interesting for sure. Tix are averaging over $400 for this game. The chance of seeing someone die is very appealing to people.
Taking a queue from his douchebag friend Belicheck, Urban will not announce Tebow's status until kickoff. I cant put this all on Urban though. It's a tough call, and he will get flak either way. Tebow is going through the ringer of doctor's these past 2 weeks. Any call that's made will be medically backed.
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