Bleachers College Sports College Football Week 7
| 15 October 2009
This past summer, during the sweet, sweetness of doing nothing all day I was given an opportunity that sounded shitty but would also get me out of the house. Additionally, I was promised lunch afterward. Since I had no money, my friends would obviously be paying for this lunch so all in all it seemed like a great idea.
What was it you might ask? A motivational speaker who was discussing leadership and other bullshit that would not help me find a job. I hate motivational speakers, and I used to hire them for events I was planning. Why do I hate them? Because:
1. Speaking fee
Their speaking charge is based off of droning on about "making a change," or "the power of positive thought." It's all bullshit because they will cite one, maybe two specific examples of an individual they claim to have directly helped with their "message." Well, if I'm running statistics then the speaker is as qualified as I am to present my message that "positive speakers are full of shit." And I think my data is more quantifiable than theirs. For example, this dude charged $25 bucks a head, and his biggest success was that he spoke to the Jacksonville Jaguars prior to their playoff season of 2007. OH, well HE SPOKE to a bunch of highly paid athletes and his SPEAKING obviously galvanized the team and sent them to greatness. It had nothing to do with Fred Taylor and MJD running through brick walls all season, and a defense that could stop most NFL teams. And game planning. And injuries to opposing teams. And benefiting from calls from officials. And luck, fucking luck. And 7,500 other factors.
2. Name Dropping
They make boatloads of money talking about who they have presented in front of; they are simply people that don't fear speaking in front of a crowd.
3. Self-help Books
They write books, which outline their bullshit cockamamie schemes which make people feel better for a moment until they realize that they have no control over their lives because they are too unwilling to, or don't have other means to enact making a change. Also, these books have shitty titles like, "Get on the Leadership Bus."
4. They typically invoke religion to stab their point right into your heathen heart.
I'm all cynical honesty, I'd rather listen to a drill sergeant stand up on stage and tell me that I'm a pussy for not joining the military then show me slides of soldiers killed in action to make a point that I'm so soft-cocked because I'm bitching about not finding a job. My point is, these authors have no system, no program that leads to success. They just spew bullshit to make the masses feel better about themselves when the speaker touches on a very vague subject that has affected that individual. They are no better than palm readers, horoscope writers and those who claim that they are clairvoyant.
This author's message was "don't be an energy vampire." An energy vampire is someone you surround yourself who sucks your energy 
with their negative behavior. This shit made me laugh more than I have laughed in some time. Especially when the crowd would ask questions about their "energy vampire" spouses, what was the bold speaker's response? Nothing concrete, basically just try to resolve conflicts with your positive energy. Personally, I think this dude stole "energy vampire" from SmokeyMcTrees album Dirt bag Vampire, which will be available soon.
While I found the speaker awful, and took nothing away from it except for a humorous intro, things got worse when my free lunch became the most expensive lunch of my lifetime.
At the conclusion of our rousing listening session we were invited to dine with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, or FCA. For those of you not familiar with the FCA, they are a group who promote faith through athletics, which in turn will provide coaches who follow their program with highly religious athletes who will fight for you in the name of the lord. I couldn't help thinking that their mission sounded a lot like the Crusades. What if you have two football teams who both play in the name of God? A 60 minute Holy War, perhaps. They even had the gall to claim that they finally had science to explain why their program worked. It was basically an outline that the coach needs to believe in God, transfer the message to the players, the players in turn would hold their schoolmates accountable therefore creating a team that will do everything the coach tells them to do out of the fear of being struck down by the lord, Old Testament style.
I get their angle, and think it's hilarious. It is a really clever way to keep God in public and private schools while recruiting future religious crazies and right wingers. Think about it, does any kid care more about their coach or a teacher, or their parents for that matter? If the kid is a high school athlete then all he cares about is pleasing the coach. Any player who doesn't buy in will be ostracized by their teammates. It is a genius move actually. Also, any time they didn't have an answer to a question, they simply said, "Well if Tony Dungy is on board, who are we to question it."
At the end of this almost two hour attempted brainwashing, they even had the testicles to ask for donations. Holy shit, I ate some subpar chicken salad on a soggy croissant with some sweet tea so I could be insulted for almost 120 minutes by someone trying to force religion down my throat while they bitched about northern coaches for not buying in then hit up for money. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Eat shit FCA.
Look, if you want to buy in kiddies, buy in. But for shitsake make your own opinions.
Review
How in the hell did Jonathan Crap-ton throw for four touchdowns against what I thought was a serviceable defense? He has thirteen total TDs on the year and seven of them are against Western Kentucky and Ohio University. Georgia, you suck.
I still can't understand how in the hell UTEP beat Houston. On my deathbed, I will still never understand that and probably cry out, "HOW" because taking a dirt nap. Houston took it to Mississippi State which was only surprising to the people who bet MSU -2.
Alabama went all strange comparison I made last week on Ole Miss. There is no one else in the country that has hurt their draft stock more than Jevan Sneed by simply entering the game all season. Yeah, I love taking down a fat $274 on a game that wouldn't even be close.
Man I really wanted Stanford to stay tied for the PAC 10 lead. But they couldn't beat Oregon State who played a tight game against UNLV who lost by like 100 to Nevada. Point taken, Reser stadium is a tough place to play and Jacquizz Rodgers is a 180 pound bad ass.
Bets
1. Oklahoma "@" Texas -3.5
Must take Texas. Cannot resist the urge to take points. Oklahoma is playing for spoiler with a guy who was thinking about shoulder surgery two weeks ago. Baylor's defense is not as good as Texas. Sergio Kindle will break Bradford like Drago took out Apollo Creed.
Texas 35- Oklahoma 24
$50
2. Arkansas +24 @ Florida
Tebow's Ram Man style must be retarded for another week or so. 24 points is three touchdowns and a field goal. This is a team that just beat previously unbeaten Auburn and that was a conference game.
$80
Florida 42- Arkansas 24
3. AND NOW FOR MY
Illinois -3.5 @ Indiana
Oh man, Indiana's mojo died a painful death against Michigan when they found a way not to win. The Hoosiers have been playing like energy vampires ever since, and will get whopped up on by the Illini. Remember, Indiana just got rocked by Virginia.
Illinois 31- Indiana 3
$100
4. Virginia Tech -3 @ Georgia Tech
I've seen Georgia Tech enough this year to know that their option works sometimes. If it's not working they have no other option but to continue using the option. Their defense is not overpowering, and they can't throw the ball.
Tech 17- Georgia Tech 10
$40
RESULTS
2-2
Overall 14-12
$$$: +$374
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