Bleachers College Sports College Football Week 9
| 29 October 2009
I'm prett sure I despise Miami. Actually I might hate Randy Shannon too. And I'm pretty sure I hate Jacory Harris, which means I'm not a fan of Miami Northwestern High School. In fact, my hate isn't soley limited to the Hurricanes. I'm pretty sure I also fair the fair-weatheredness of the Miaimi Dolphins fans, their tailgates with line dancing, Gloria Estefan, Marc Anthony and the rest of the Dolphins ownership group. I hate Landshark Lager because it tastes like my piss after a long night of boozing. And the Dolphins color scheme looks like......well things that I puked up after a long night of drinking. How the Miami Hurricanes couldn't cover a measley 4.5 spread against the terrible Tigers of Clemson will haunt me and my profits for the remainder of the football season. With that in mind, let's start this week with some great losses in Miami Hurricane's history, and other sucky things about Miami:
Whoops, holding is hard!
National Title Fail!
Last game in the Orange Bowl against Virginia, the Cava-fucking-liers. Not even the Cleveland Cavaliers, the Virginia ones.
The pass that ensured us of seeing this dwarf on tv for the next 3 decades. Doug Flutie ladies and gentlemen!
Miami Clemson Loss, the latest in a long line of over-hyped teams.
Horatio Cane One liners! "This looks like a case of....(removes sunglasses) murder....of....the...future."
Miami Sound Machine! The rhythm still won't get me.
NEWS
1. Kids being kids
Why do so many care about this jubilant post-game locker room scene? There weren't even nude chicks. Iowa State isn't Eastern Michigan or Buffalo for that matter; they have won a few games in the past. Act like you've been there before. And don't give me that crap about student-athletes at their finest here.
2. Kiffin Watch
What a douchebag. Learn the rules of football and just win games you anal bead. He sounds like a pizza-faced kid who can't get a date to the prom.
"You run another play and throw an interception,'' Kiffin told reporters in Knoxville, "or they throw another flag on us. I wasn't going to let the refs lose the game for us there. You know, a magical flag appear. At that point, it's nine penalties to one. We're the second-least-penalized team in the country going into the game. They're 60th in the country. And you go down there and it's very disappointing to have nine flags thrown against you and one against them.''
He added ... "I'm sure we'll get one of those letters that mean nothing, that (Arkansas coach) Bobby (Petrino) got last week, but Florida and Alabama live on."
3. Dez Bryant learns lying is bad
Super-stud Bryant will be sitting out the rest of the season for having some sort of "contact" or "relationship"
with Deion Sanders. I'm hoping it was consensual and non-carnal in nature. In any event, I don't necessarily blame Bryant because as I said a week ago, coaches will do anything to win, attract recruits and turn the other cheek when players screw up so that they can keep their jobs. I'm assuming Mike Gundy, who is a man, and 40, or 41 now knew about this well in advance before anything happened. But when T. Boone Pickens is your Emperor, who can blame the man for doing anything to win.
4. Sad story
If you like tear-jerkers, this one is for you.
LWN's TOP 10
Screw all the pollsters that don't re-work the top 10 after every week taking all things (like games played) into consideration. Here's the real top 10.
1. Alabama (8-0)
They have more wins than anyone besides Iowa. They beat Virginia Tech on the road, beat Ole Miss while ranked and South Carolina while ranked. Enough said.
2. Florida (7-0)
Still 7-0, but only beat one ranked opponent; an over hyped LSU team when they were number four.
3. Iowa (8-0)
The Hawkeyes beat a decent Penn State team in Happy Valley.
4. Texas (7-0)
The ‘Horns beat an Oklahoma team they looks totally wrecked from the inside-out. Wins over UTEP, Louisiana Monroe and Wyoming don't impress me considering everyone says they are better than Iowa.
5. TCU (7-0)
This is not a one-hit wonder. TCU is a quality team who will beat the shit out of most offenses.
6. Boise State (7-0)
How's that Oregon win look now? The Ducks HAD LaGarrett Blount then too.
7. Cincinnati (7-0)
A pretty ho-hum schedule, but they did win on the road at Oregon State, man-handled Rutgers and beat the hell out of South Florida who has come apart at the seams after starting hot. The December 5th game against Pitt might be a classic, if Tony Pike gets back healthy.
8. USC (6-1)
Say what you will, but you lost to Washington, and needed a huge rally to beat an Ohio State, which isn't amazing.
9. Oregon (6-1)
The Quackers have found their groove. Let's see what happens this weekend against the University of Spoiled Children.
10. Georgia Tech (7-1)
Were you not aware they were 7-1? Were you not aware they beat two ranked teams? I don't want to play against them, and I don't want to bet on or against them, ever again.
REVIEW
I hate Miami so much I can't quantify it more than two hundred ones. Oh Arkansas, you fooled me with your silly competitiveness against Florida. TCU DOES WORK SON. The horny toads crushed the shit out BYU and made conspiracy theorists in the Mountain West cry foul. Thank you Oklahoma State, thank you.
BETS
This week, we officially switch from Bodog to Sportsbook.com for our lines, because Bodog has gotten all shitty and stopped putting up lines well in advance of games making my Thursday column too tough to finish.
1. West Virginia -3 @ South Florida
As mentioned above, USF is falling apart without Matt Grothe all of the sudden, I think West Virginia has too much speed.
WVU 38- USF 24
$50
2. Southern Mississippi @ Houston -6.5
Houston is still a very solid team. My concern is they haven't started strong recently, but they close like a freight train.
Southern Miss 28- Houston 45
$50
3. AND NOW FOR MY
Missouri -4 @ Colorado
Snow will certainly be a factor, but Missouri has lost their last three, and usually beats teams they should beat.
Missouri 21- Colorado 9
$100
4. UCLA @ Oregon State OVER 46
I think Oregon State might get 46 by themselves.
Oregon 46- UCLA 10
$25
· I think Bowling Green will shred UB since the Bulls can't stop a pass, can't stop any pass. But I can't figure out the Bulls so I'm done making commentary about them until next season, or until they become more predictable.
RESULTS
1-3
16-18
$$ +140
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