| 22 September 2009
Haters unite! We all loathe certain teams, however some teams deserve far more hate than others. In a semi-recurring feature, we will visit teams that multiple AC contributors hate. We all heard about the bullshit stadium that 'the don of redneck football' Jerry Jones built. Then we heard about the outlandish prices, and the fact that they may be blacked out. They ended up selling out, and choking on national television. HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYS?
In no particular order, here are ten reasons to hate the Cowboys:
The New Stadium
The most recent reason to hate the Cowboys, their bullshit new stadium. We were introduced to the new stadium by watching the Cowboys come out of the locker room, run through a fog machine filled VIP lounge, onto a field with a HD screen that is low enough to hit with punts, while George Bush watched, and the announcers sat in front of a green screen. The fans lucky enough to take out a second mortgage to enjoy the game from 30 stories up may have gotten hungry. Their options include a $90 cheese pizza. It may sound expensive, but a loss to open up the stadium is priceless!
Jerry Jones
The godfather of redneck football. Jerry Jones loves the spotlight. Lately he seems to be more concerned with putting the team in the spotlight than making them any good. The TO and Pacman experiments didn't work out, so lets get rid of them and add a huge ass stadium! I have no problem with the team sucking, the team hasn't won a playoff game since 96. Enjoy Wade Phillips and your $90 pizzas. He also fired Landry and hired annoying coaches like Barry Switzer, and Jimmy Johnson. Speaking of Jimmy Johnson, another reason to hate the Cowboys is
"How bout them Cowboys"
How bout those 13 seasons without a playoff victory? SHUT THE FUCK UP. This is almost as annoying as
America's Team
Apparently I didn't get the memo. The Cowboys are my team now? It's true, if they aren't your team, the terrorists win. Bob Ryan (of NFL Films) coined this term (No, not the Bob Ryan from Around the Horn and PTI). I guess the term converted a couple people because
People from Central NY like the Cowboys
Ok, maybe just a few people, but still. How the fuck do you grow up in Central NY, and become a Cowboys fan? I can only assume that the Cowboys had the coolest Starter jacket at the time, because its the fucking Cowboys... from Dallas. It just doesn't add up, especially since
Everything from Texas Sucks!
It's true, but I hear they have good BBQ sauce. Also, if you are a lawyer, you can sleep with the judge, and it wont be a conflict of interest.
They have a Pretty Boy QB that dates Hollywood
Now, I cant honestly say that I hate them for this, just because it was hilarious to watch this add another pointless distraction to the team. I mean, the Jessica Simpson masks were pretty funny. What is a reason to hate though, is that Tony Romo is considered a great QB just because he plays for the Cowboys. It's like he is the popular high school QB that gets a free pass, and the high school is America HS (see 3 reasons up). Romo fumbled away their season when trying to hold a ball for a kick. He chokes in big games, and has done nothing to show his worth. Enjoy him, Dallas!
Michael Irvin
One of the biggest douchebags to play professional sport. Michael Irvin is an egotistical crackhead (literally), who just loves reminding people of who he was (and stabbing dudes in the neck with scissors). He is an attention whore. He calls himself 'The Playmaker'. This is his website. He is one of the worst analysts ESPN has ever had (Rush Limbaugh still holds the title as worst). He got a pass to the Hall of Fame with the same stats as people that have been waiting much longer. He has his own terrible reality show, and he is one of-
Two Cowboys on Dancing With the Stars
Emmit Smith, and the infamous Michael Irvin desperately grasp at as much attention as they can get by doing a Paso Doble in front of the country. "HEY, LOOK AT ME!".... gaayyyyyyyyy
The Media Thinks the Cowboys are Better than they Are
With all the hype and media attention they get, the Cowboys are perrenial chokers as of late. They have not won a playoff game since Clinton's first term. Yet, they get more hype and coverage than any other NFL team. They focus more on the glitz and glamour than the talent. Everything is bigger in Texas, and that includes the playoff losing streak of the Dallas Cowboys.
Editors Note: This Article hurt Tomy Romo's feelings.
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