| 30 March 2009
An Economic Analysis of Defecation
(The Real Cost of Pooping)
I'm not ashamed to admit it. I, Like many others in America's workforce enjoy pooping at work. I truly get a warm fuzzy feeling when I know that I'm getting paid to drop a deuce. During one of my much needed "retreats" from corporate America I started to ponder the costs associated with the time I spent on the can. Being the frugal (ok, cheap) and inquisitive (ok, nerdy) individual that I am I decided to give it some more thought (after all what else am I going to do for the next 10 minutes or so).
I'm sure some people reading this are deeply offended by the idea of an article about the cost of pooping. If you are such an individual I recommend you stop reading my article and instead refer to the book "Everyone Poops" by Taro Gomi, because you clearly don't seem to understand the process. Everyone else sit back and enjoy, or better yet print this out and take it to the crapper with you.
All the figures I used in my analysis are rounded estimates for the entire US. The price of commodities such as water, electricity and toilet paper vary greatly from one area to another. That being the case if you don't like my numbers or methodology feel free to get off your ass and write your own article. So, enough small talk, on to the analysis!
Water (because that shit has to go somewhere)-
The average toilet flush requires around 2 gallons per flush. The average cost of water in the US is approximately $1.50 for 1000 gallons. That works out to $0.003 per flush. Assuming you wash your hands (for the love of god please do) you would use a bit more so I'll say total water cost is $0.004
Electricity (no one likes pooping in the dark)-
The national average price of electricity is near $0.15 per kwh. So running one 100 watt bulb for 10 minutes would cost approximately $0.0025. Most people tend to have more lighting than this in their bathrooms so I will assume two 100 watt bulbs are used giving us a total of $0.005
Bath Tissue (at least until you have that bidet installed)-
I can honestly say that I was surprised to learn how much most people spend on toilet paper. The average cost among leading brands is approximately $0.0025 per square. There are hundreds of different types of TP on the market and they all "perform" differently, so for the sake of analysis let's say you use 15 squares per session (don't judge me). That gives you a total TP cost of $0.0375
grand total cost per poo- $0.0465
So there you have it my friends, pooping at home probably costs you about five cents. So ask yourself, if you saw a nickel on the floor would you pick it up (assuming you are not in the bathroom at the time)? Some of you may say that five cents is a small price to pay for the knowledge that you're not sharing a seat with that sketchy guy from accounting, but sometimes you just have to act on your principles.
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Comments (5)
Subscribe to this comment's feedtoilet paper
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^^^
But then again i only poop like 1 or 2 times every 3 days.
So maybe mine gets a little more time to dry out?(less squares)
Awesome article though, I would pick up a nickel if i saw one even if it WAS in the bathroom(there are sinks right there to wash it off!) so I think that I am going to actively try to poop at places other than my home! Granted i live with my parents right now
but hey i can save them some money! -
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